Fall Movie Preview!

So I haven't updated my movie page in quite a while, what with the business I've been going through with college nonsense. But hey! Who needs a college degree when you can lounge around on your couch and type away on the laptop all day, huh?

That was a joke. Kids, go to school.

On an unrelated and much less corny note, Summer is drawing to a very near close...although sad for anyone in school under the age of 19, it's a glorious celebration for the movie world! Finally, all the popcorn-popping mindless movies of the May-August spectrum are leaving...and entering are the Oscar-grabbers and intermittently "just-for-fun" enjoyable films. Although Summer ended with 2 spectacular mainstream masterpieces (District 9 and Inglourious Basterds), the time has come to look to the future for what seems to hold promise!

To begin, I'd like to point out a hugely produced and long-awaited little picture known simply as "9." What's especially intriguing right off the bat about 9 is the production team: Tim Burton (The Nightmare Before Christmas, Edward Scissorhands) and Timur Bekmambetov (director of Wanted). This is a very odd yet exciting coupling of artistic and visual design, which only extrapolates the intensity of what 9 is already about: a group of various, miniature ragdoll-esque humanoid figures on a mission to save the world after the human race is destroyed. Judging from the trailer(s), 9 looks to be an epic film, and I don't just mean really good, it actually looks like it's on an epic scale. Giant robots and firefights galore, it's an ambitious and classic "Hero's Tale" modified for a modern post-apocalyptic setting. It also has an ensemble cast, including Elijah Wood, John C. Reilly, Jennifer Connelly, and Crispin Glover. Appropriately destined, check out 9 when it's released on September 9, 2009!

Next is a new vampire flick entitled "The Vampire's Assistant," based on a part of the series of books known as The Saga of Darren Shan. Now, the first thing that popped into my head when i saw this (and I'm sure plenty of other peoples' heads as well) is that it seems to be trying to cash in on the vampire fad that has plagued us for the past year, thanks to the Twilight and True Blood crazes. However, after watching the trailer (and not having read the books), it looks to be a light-hearted fantasy comedy of sorts that distinguishes itself as a different and more original premise than the other vampire knockoffs of today. It tells the tale of a teenage boy who loves the mythological and realizes that a man in a "freakshow" circus act is actually a vampire. Enticed by the astounding history of vampire lore, he is easily convinced to learn the ways of the vampire. What's also interesting is that said vampire is played by the comical John C. Reilly (Walk Hard, Step Brothers). When I first heard about the film, I assumed it to be an overall seriously toned work, but after watching the trailer, it looks to have its funny moments as well as its dark ones. The movie shows some promise, but I'm not getting my hopes up too high. Look out for this one October 23, 2009.

And now, a film that I have been on edge about since the beginning of the year: Where the Wild Things Are. There are no words to describe how excited I am for this film to premiere, considering it's based on a beautiful childrens' book that I loved as a kid. Helmed by famed and beloved director Spike Jonze (Adaptation., Being John Malkovich), it looks to be quite a visceral exploration of human imagination and emotion. Most of all, the film just looks so incredibly lovable on so many levels and also seems to be enjoyable to children, teens, and adults alike. The book itself had so little dialogue that it'll definitely be a feat to turn it into a full fledged film, but a very welcome feat. Here's to loving Where the Wild Things Are on October 16, 2009.

Next up is a film that I don't feel too excited about: The Road. What strikes my interest is that it's based on a story written by Cormac McCarthy, the writer of No Country for Old Men. However, in the recent flood of vampire, zombie and apocalypse films, The Road doesn't really stand out all too much. What can be taken from the trailer is that it's set right after a disastrous event (most likely a disease or virus) that annihilated most of the world's population, and now a small family must fight for their survival through insane headhunters and (possibly) zombified creatures. Like I said, this would be all well and good if we hadn't seen this kind of film already so many times before. But, if it interests you beyond my own, look out for it on October 16, 2009!

Now I come to a film that I've already covered in a previous Movie Preview: Zombieland. Starring Woody Harrelson, Zombieland looks to be a B-Movie-esque style interpretation of survivors fighting off hordes of zombies in some sort of disastrous aftermath. What makes it special is its style and presentation, looking to glorify zombie-execution techniques and, well...just plain being a fun movie. Like the zombies you'll witness on-screen, it sure looks to be a mindless popcorn-stuffing thrill ride that you, hopefully, won't soon forget. But, it hasn't come out yet, thus it's too early to tell if Zombieland has what it takes to be a great film. It comes out on October 9, 2009.

Now we come to a wishy-washy looking movie called "Gamer" starring 300's Gerard Butler. The premise looks interesting: people can control inmates in an ultra-violent video game resembling a third-person shooter (similar to Gears of War) by moving their body and having the inmate/character move in the exact same manner. Obviously, it's posing some interesting questions about being able to control someone else's body and the morality behind it, but that same theme looks to be better done in Disney's upcoming adaptation "Surrogates." However, it does look to satiate the casual viewer's hunger for action and violence, and with that I cannot argue. We'll just have to see how well it executes its motives next this Friday, September 4, 2009.

Hollywood may not be the smartest group of people on the planet, but sometimes that can be looked as a good thing. Regardless of how the following film turns out to be, I can't get over the mundane and cliche title of it: Ninja Assassin. All strifes with taxonomy aside, Ninja Assassin certainly builds its premise within the confines of the anime-crazy junkies, but also in the general public's view of the "cool" ninja and the "cool" assassin ideals. Ninja Assassin, although mildly gimmicky, holds to its Japanese/Chinese roots by having mostly Asian actors and set in a (possibly mostly) Asian setting: that means no mullet-wearing Nicolas Cage with a sniper rifle on top of tall metropolitan buildings. Phewww. Jokes aside, Ninja Assassin may just be too gimmicky for its own good, telling a pretty bland, cliche, pseudo-coming-of-age tale of a boy being raised strictly and militarily in the ways of the ninja only to be betrayed at a much older age and swearing revenge. But, perhaps it'll succeed as a fun and inventive modern martial-arts picture? And the fact that it's being produced by the Wachowski Brothers (The Matrix Trilogy) can't hurt either. We won't know until it comes out November 25, 2009.

Ahh you knew I'd get around to this gem...Saw VI. Oh when will it end? I'm sure all the retro rollerbladers of the 1980's and early 90's asked the very same question when it came to Jason Vorhees and Freddy Krueger. Most people complain about the Saw series as being a dragged out and immoral celebration of gore and torture, and while there may be some truth to that, Saw also tags an interesting story behind its relatively disgusting premise. Kudos to the writers for continuously making more story every time it seems it has met its dead end. No matter how much you may berate the film for its wrongdoings, chances are you'll probably end up seeing it any way, at least to get into the Halloween spirit. The trailer for Saw VI doesn't really hint at too much story evolution, but it does keep the tension that it raises every year with new traps and new, ugly yet creative ways of death dealing human destruction. What will the new installment bring us this year? You'll have to wait till October 23, 2009 to find out.

Now to break the mold and introduce a romantic comedy from the producer of Paris, Je T'aime: New York, I Love You; it's a cornucopia collection of 12 short films all with the universal theme of finding love, whether it's successful or not. It also has quite an all-star cast, including Shia LaBeouf, Christina Ricci, Hayden Christensen, Orlando Bloom, Andy Garcia, Ethan Hawke, Cloris Leachman and even Natalie Portman who directs a segment! Now that's a mouthful. New York is certainly aiming to be a heartwarming, funny, and charming cinematic endeavor, much like Paris was. Opening October 16, 2009, be sure to check it out; surely at least one of your favorite actors is appearing in it.

Moving on from love, zombies, vampires, and the apocalypse, we enter another familiar realm of filmmaking: aliens. The new film starring Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil, Ultraviolet), The Fourth Kind, showcases experiments done by Dr. Abigail Tyler in a rural town in Alaska. Her patients showed signs of various mental illnesses and outbursts and have claimed to have some sort of contact with aliens. If alien conspiracy is your cup of tea, then The Fourth Kind is right up your alley; judging from the trailer, the only thing that worries me about the film overall is that it may be a bit boring at parts, considering it is largely a collection of interviews. Also, the veracity of the film is going to be discussed for years to come, as I'm sure the Doctor's studies were...but you can watch the film on November 6, 2009 and come up with your own theories.

Speaking of theories, 2012 is a little film that may or may not have true evidence to back it. As you've surely heard, the world is ending around December 21, 2012, therefore a movie must be made to warn us! (and also dazzle us with an astoundingly high production budget). From the director of The Day After Tomorrow and Independence Day, 2012 tells the story of the cataclysmic event that will end the world and, possibly, the human race. It's a tale of, you guessed it, survival, but moreover the film seems to be a wildly expensive exercise in crazy special effects (as you could tell from the trailer's tidal waves, earthquakes, and even an aircraft carrier crashing into Congress). Will 2012 hold up beyond just morbid eye-candy? Find out when it hits theaters November 13, 2009.


Here's a worthy notable without a release date although it is scheduled to have its grand premiere on September 10, 2009: Creation. Creation is the biographical tale of Charles Darwin and his penning of "The Origin of Species." The film seems to set its focus on the "killing of God" idea that people had back then (and still do) in reference to his proving of evolution. Darwin is always a fun person to talk about and his works tend to strike up fun (if not battle-starting) conversation. The trailer shows Darwin in a very respectable light, and also shows that he isn't entirely sure of what his findings mean, but more that his colleagues egg him on to publish his findings and disprove the theory of God and even religions as a whole. His wife, however, is a deeply religious woman who fears for his life and her own if he makes his works public. It still has a "Coming Soon" status as of now, but I'm expecting it sometime this Winter.

Aaaand there you have it! Quite a varied array of films coming very, very, very soon to your nearest movie theater (or computer screen...jerks)! I hope you enjoyed my own personal take on the films, but I've barely grazed the surface of what there is to come in the Fall and beyond!

Kyle Shelton

District 9 Review: Makes Area 51 look like a Bouncy House

Aliens? Check.
Action? Check.
Blood and gore? Check.
Intelligent social commentary, originality, creativity, and outstanding special effects? Checkity check check.

Phenomenal new sci-fi movie? Super check.

These are all the workings of what surpasses the realms of a cheesy-yet-fun sci-fi flick and enters the extraterrestrial levels of true, awe-inspiring filmmaking. Coincidentally, these are all the workings of Neill Blomkamps breakout feature film, District 9, produced by Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson.

What makes District 9 more than just an alien shoot-em-up popcorn popper? It has a soul. District 9 is a movie that plays off several cinematic styles and masterfully interweaves them together into one feature that's sure to please the general public audience as well as intriguing the minds of those who really expect bigger things out of today's movies.

District 9 starts off as a documentary-style film, showcasing the mysterious UFO that hovers above Johannesburg, South Africa. Initially, military troops are flown in to investigate, and they find horribly malnourished life forms residing in the ship. After migrating them to Earth, the area they inhabited known as "District 9" soon becomes somewhat of a ghetto, with anti-alien extremists causing riots and starting a large campaign against the new citizens. 20 years later, a Multi-National Union member named Wikus van de Merwe (Sharlto Copley) is sent to District 9 to relocate the aliens to a concentration-camp style area over 200 kilometers away from Johannesburg.

As you can imagine, chaos ensues. Wikus is unintentionally sprayed by strange black fluid inside a tube found within an alien's shack. Progressively, he shows symptoms of being infected with something, and is soon hospitalized and found to have alien DNA in his body. This is where the documentary style of the film, opening with various interviews followed by camera footage of Wikus' operation, turns to the more narrative, traditional film style. However, you probably won't even realize it by how tightly the film grips your attention.

District 9 never lets you go, throughout the entire film. Imagine any good suspense or action film, and multiply its pull on you by about 1000, and you may be able to grasp the magnitude of District 9's influence on any given viewer. Quite honestly, the formula used for the screenplay is quite brilliant; giving you a back story on the present situation through realistic spectator commentary then switching to the actual events unfolding before your eyes then attacking your senses with exciting and energetic filmmaking, there exists no dull moments during the entire film. Even at its lowest points, you will be kept enthralled and entertained, wondering what will happen next.

While District 9 is a sci-fi funfest for any alien fanatics out there, it also serves as a more profound film, building upon aspects of real life problems like racism, apartheid, immigration, genocide, rioting, slum life and government power. It really makes you wonder how the world would take such an event as aliens coming to Earth on relatively civil grounds.

Alongside its deeper roots, though, lies what everyone is expecting: the action. And there is plenty of it. If you're a fan of aliens, robots, guns, explosions and blood/gore, you've picked the right movie. Limbs flying, firefighting, vehicles crashing...District 9 has it all for your viewing pleasure, and while the film does hold true to its "more than your average sci-fi" attitude, it still gives plenty of crowd-pleasing moments to get you even more involved in the already deeply-involving plot.

Also, kudos to actor Sharlot Copley who plays the main protagonist; he gives such an astounding performance that its hard to believe he's barely known in the film-world. To add to his magnificent and spellbinding act, most of his lines were improvised throughout the movie...yes, meaning he made up, off the top of his head, most of what he was saying, and pulled it off brilliantly.

What's more, Blomkamp made such great characters out of the alien race as a whole as well as the main alien you get attached to, Christopher. They feel incredibly real, which only adds to the overall feel of the movie: everything feels real. Besides their actual character and interactions, their rendering is exceptionally well done, given extremely detailed skin and facial expressions to make them uber-realistic. The plot is definitely plausible and District 9 tackles the ultimate "What if?" question with flying colors.

Hands down, District 9 is the best film of the Summer. It retains all the qualities of films like Transformers or G.I. Joe for the fun aspects, but still has a brain and a heart to embed it within the confines of sci-fi classics. 20 years from now, District 9 will still be heralded as the bar that needs to be raised in order for any new sci-fi film to hold even a dim light to it. Although some things are left unexplained, and a few holes lie within the overall plot, District 9 more than makes up for its shortcomings with a spectacular performance by Copley, exemplary special effects and a new, original story. These aliens are welcome...consider me a sympathizer.

9.5/10
Kyle Shelton

Inglourious Basterds Review: Quite Glorious, Actually

Ahh, Quentin Tarantino. Every film the man makes is his signature love note to all things cinema. Known for his fun crowd-pleasers, dark humor, over-the-top violence and ridiculous situations, he almost never seems to disappoint.

With a reinvented World War II B-movie/noir-esque presentation, does he still retain the same pizazz he has in the past? Or does he finally fall flat beneath the heaps of more entertaining cinema in the market today?

Quite the Glorious bastard Quentin is with his newly original "Inglourious Basterds."

Inglourious tells the initially unrelated but interwoven tales of revenge of Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) and his troop of ravenous, vengeful misfits as well as the innocent victim of Nazi war Shoshanna Dreyfus (Melanie Laurent). After Shoshanna tries to hide from Nazi "Jew-Hunter" Hans Landa (Cristoph Waltz), he realizes of their hiding place and kills off her family, accidentally letting her go and run away. Years later, she is seen owning her own movie theater, unwittingly being pitted directly into the heart of the Nazi body when a German soldier garners an extreme attraction to her. Lt. Aldo Raine, on the other hand, is simply out to to "do one thing and one thing only...killin' Nazis." He, along with his Jewish-American covert squad of Nazi haters, formulate a plot to assassinate Hitler along with the Nazi hierarchy.

At its most basic, Inglourious is a simple yet fun roller coaster ride of revenge and blood-splattering hilarity. When examined on a deeper scale, though, it has its more creative and nuanced merit (similar to the stupid-fun style Kill Bill has on its surface, but its much more emotionally-rooted story and style found after appreciating it for more than its skin-deep beauty). Inglourious keeps all the Tarantino-isms: darkly comical situations, extremely heightened tension, long yet interesting dialogue, and artistically refined depictions of violence. Its all here...but even if you hated Tarantino's style before, Inglourious still deserves a chance if only for its last 30 minutes of utter brilliant filmmaking.

Within the film are several interesting cameos including Julie Dreyfus (Kill Bill), Mike Myers (Austin Powers), Eli Roth (director of Hostel), Harvey Keitel (Reservoir Dogs), Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction) and B.J. Novak (The Office), which propel the film into somewhat of an ensemble surprise cast. But the actual starring cast is what makes Inglourious even better than what it already is, specifically the performances of the lovable Brad Pitt, the intriguing Melanie Laurent, and especially the powerhouse performance of Christoph Waltz. It seems as if each of the characters (Aldo Raine, Shoshanna Dreyfus, and Hans Landa, respectively) were written specifically for each actor, as I couldn't perceive anyone else playing them successfully. Also notable is the fine talent of Diane Kruger as Bridget von Hammersmark, the seductive and famed actress who is a critical piece of the German resistance puzzle.

In the sense of story, its all played out masterfully, with certain characters knowing certain things for certain reasons and others not knowing said things for certain reasons. When you're not being treated to an enjoyable conversation or silly B-movie fare that Tarantino is known for exploiting, your blood pressure runs high on an indescribably tense scene that ultimately leads to a surprising, if not at least sensory shattering, climax. This is done both in the writing, which would make for an equally excellent novel, as well as the technical and physical execution of the directing and acting.

While Inglourious may not be for everyone's taste, Tarantino has once again proved that he has the talent and genius to produce such fine films. The pacing may be a little off, and the marketing for the film shines it in a light of nonstop action and ridiculousness. This may not be exactly what you get, because there do exist quite a number of long conversational scenes and drawn-out build-ups to any given climax. But, that's just the way Tarantino does his thing and its not a big problem to me. In fact, I would place this WWII exploitation dramedy up with the ranks of Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction. He always places so many subtle tidbits of fun (like having the film within the film "Nation's Pride" directed by Eli Roth or having the allusion to the title on Raine's rifle) that just make the movie cake that much more delicious.

In simple conclusion, Inglourious Basterds is probably the best film the Summer's mainstream box office has to offer and an irrefutably bombastic end to the Summer as a whole. Tarantino is the one-man Pixar; offering up an enjoyable dish whenever he can and making it last till his next, undoubtedly brilliant offering. Remembering that Tarantino has a peculiar yet artistic style and flare, go forth and enjoy Inglourious Basterds for all its glorious perfections (and also, rally to give Waltz some kind of large-scale acting award for his mesmerizing performance).

9.5/10
Kyle Shelton

Brüno Review: Ist Good, Yah?

In all honesty, I was going to open this review with a Borat quote...but Bruno has brainwashed me into forgetting them and only remembering things like "Vassup?" and "Isht."

Luckily, that's pretty much what Sacha Baron Cohen was shooting for in his latest mockumentary, "Brüno." If you saw Borat, you know pretty much what to expect...an all-out jerky shockfest of gags and pranks gone awry with unsuspecting everyday people at the helm of the S.S. Embarassment. Borat was great, so does the gay Austrian fashionista have what it takes to push Borat out of the slapstick throne?

If anything, I'll put Bruno on par with Borat comedy-wise...but, be aware, Brüno is about 4x as nasty and cringe-worthy as Borat was. With that, let's begin:

Brüno is an Austrian fashion talk show host who seems to be at the top of his gayme (game and gay put together..ahh thank you) in the celebrity world. After ruining a fashion show by wearing an all-velcro suit, he is then blacklisted by all the clubs and talent areas in Austria, and is left to search for fame elsewhere. He decides on traveling to Los Angeles, California to shoot up the ranks of stardom and become the biggest celebrity the world has ever known.

And that's the story...along his travels, he tries a cornucopia of varied attempts at fame such as hosting a talk show, becoming straight, and even making a sex-tape. Now, Brüno is certainly a difficult film to "critique" in the sense of looking for true skill and talent...all of that lies within Cohen's acting skill and the writing that took place, although much of it is improv. Brüno is considered a "mockumentary" due to the style of shooting that resembles a documentary but is also a parodied "mockery" of such. Other than Cohen, the only other characters you'll see (other than his assistant Lutz played by Gustaf Hammarsten) are completely innocent average-joes in America. Cohen plays his fabulously gay role with flying colors (no pun intended) and surpasses Borat in almost every way.

Along with Cohen's acting skill comes his incredible audacity in his filmmaking. Whether you like the film or not or believe some of it is real or not, you can't say Cohen and his crew aren't bold. This kind of shock-and-awe style of comedy can be hit-or-miss at times, but it will almost always have you looking away, dropping your jaw, or cringing in some way. Brüno seems to want to satisfy that young, mature audience rather than stretching for the older generations, and it does so perfectly. Theaters were guaranteed to be packed with old teens vying to get their gag-reflexes curdling and their eyes widened, and Brüno does just that. Luckily, its hilarious at every turn. Practically every single stunt encountered will have you, if not turned away, laughing for an extended period of time. But Brüno doesn't always do so with stupid, gross-out humor; at its core, much like Borat, Brüno has a deeper social commentary that you'll leave the theater realizing. He touches, primarily, homophobia and the kind of persecution homosexuals face, but also on the ignorance of many people and despair of many fame-seekers who will sign their life away for the limelight. In short, Brüno captures the essence of stupidity among many people and approaches such controversy with more, humorous, controversy.

But this isn't to say that Brüno is perfect. For its many laughs and brave efforts, Brüno still lacks that last cinematic umph to set it in real motion. Brüno feels more like a television special than a movie, and considering it grew from a British comedy show, this isn't too much of a surprise. Other than its simple theme of ignorance and idiocy within our population and its over-the-top, raunchy humor, Brüno really has nothing going for it. Its just one hyped-up, extraordinarily long YouTube video, composed of pranks, quotables, and conversation-starters. Even in its humor, its easy to feel a bit insulted by Cohen's stunts. Considering all my rage against Transformers 2's lame and cheap humor, its kind of impossible for me to hold Brüno in high regard for the same stuff (albeit Brüno was much more ridiculous than Transformers was). By the end, you may feel like an idiot for having paid upwards of $7 to see a gay man freak out conservatives, homophobes, and talent-seekers for an hour and a half. And what's more, Brüno is almost an exact replica, story-wise, of Borat. I can't give any spoilers away, but from beginning to end, Brüno definitely feels like a cookie-cutter copy of its predecessor, and this definitely takes away from the originality and creativity felt throughout the rest of the film.

Then again, Brüno is just plain entertaining and, by all definitions, interesting. Plenty complained about this film being a waste of money, stupid, disgusting, volatile, etc...but what were you expecting? In fact, I've heard of people walking out of the film...but perhaps that's just a reflection of what the movie, on a slightly deeper level, was all about? Through its ridiculous presentation lies a message; said message may be covered in pretentious Borat-fueled success humor, but its there nonetheless. Brüno never fails on its main premise: to shock. And as much as you may hate this movie, you're going to laugh with trepidation toward the following scenes. Luckily, if you hate the rest of the movie, the final song at the end will, no doubt, win you over. If you don't want to be grossed out, surprised or shallowly entertained, Brüno is not for you. For any of its shortcomings, though, Brüno stands tall as a comedy powerhouse, with Cohen giving a spectacular performance and shooting himself to an even higher level of international stardom. You have to respect the man for this kind of work and for daring to take such high-risk chances. Brüno is certainly an entertaining spectacle from beginning to end, and I enjoyed every second of what I actually saw.

8.0/10
-Kyle Shelton

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen Review: Fallen Oh So Very Far.

The quintessential blockbuster cash-in has finally arrive...Michael Bay directs part two of the Transfomers saga, Revenge of the Fallen. Naturally, you'll probably go see it and be wowed like a kid at a Disney fireworks show...but does Transformers really have the umpf to propel it into an actual "good" film?

No.

Simply put, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is just a stupid movie all-around. Now, stupid doesn't necessarily mean bad, but Transformers has transcended the threshold of inconsistency and incoherent story-telling into the realms of just plain insulting.

The second installment in the Transformers revamp deals with Sam (Shia LaBeouf) and his leaving from home into the college life. He leaves behind his car/Transformer Bumblebee and his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox). After inexplicably finding a shard of the "Allspark Cube" from the previous film, Shia is attacked by miniature Decepticons and realizes how important the piece is. Giving the remnant to Mikaela to keep safe, Sam goes off to college only to be followed by his beloved Transfomer companion Bumblebee, who informs him that there's trouble afoot. A mythical rogue robot known as "The Fallen" awaits patiently in space for the right moment to return to earth and engage a machine that will destroy the world by exploding the sun.

That's what the writers' strike of 2007-2008 will do to you, I suppose. And we're left with explosions out the yin-yang and Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots beating the bejesus out of each other for a good 2 hours. What's not to like, right?

First of all, if the story didn't seem lame and cliche enough, the actual dialogue that takes place is on the cheap and lazy side. Instilled humor within an action movie is nothing new, and we've come to expect that from a movie like Transformers, but when the comedy relies on raunchy jokes, stereotypes, or rehashed jokes from the first film for most of its humor, there's a problem. The writers had a serious falling out when they were writing this script...or perhaps they were just desperately trying to appeal to the mass media public that will pay any set price to watch things go boom and laugh at thrifty attempts at comedy. Sure, I laughed, only in good fun to keep in tune with the pacing of the film. But each time, I felt like I was dumbing myself down. A good portion of the jokes comes directly from two Transformers who act like stereotypical black thugs, gold teeth and all. Also, the level of cursing has risen significantly this time around...and its not even from the humans. No, its from the Transformers and Decepticons. Honestly, its just a bit sad to finally realize that everything that's meant to be funny in the film is only funny because they are performed by monstrous machines of destruction-dealing. That, folks, is a gimmick.

Speaking of gimmicks, there's almost as much product placement in the film as there are explosions. Now, with a Michael Bay film, you may think that's nearly impossible...but let's not forget the kind of budget Transformers was riding on and who its target audience is. Yes, teens, teens, and more teens. Enjoy the film, and also, go out and buy a new LG phone with digital television capability! Oh, and don't forget how fantastic Bad Boys 2 was because Michael Bay won't let you.

But yes, of course we have to give the nod to Mr. Bay for his fantastic and compulsory use of dynamite, fire, C4 charges, cannons, artillery, fireworks and matches...or whatever he uses for his special effects. Explosions galore are included in Transformers 2 and may even win the record of most explosions ever seen in a full-fledged feature film, at least by Bay. I wish I had mustered the nerve to actually count how many there actually were, but another nod goes to him for his cartoony immersion of the Transformers universe. Throughout the entire film, you will feel like you're watching a cartoon that's just updated. Although, some of Bay's direction techniques irked me, particularly his use of the Sun in several shots that seemed pointless and distracting. I'm not really sure how many times you would have to pan across a conversation with the Sun glaring at you to get this point across: the Sun exists. We get it, Michael Bay. Thank you.

As for the alien robots themselves, they look spectacular. They're all richly detailed as they were in the first film, but seem to have gotten quite the technical upgrade in the sequel. The animation is more fluid, especially the actual transforming, and they're incredibly well-rendered. Many kudos to the CGI team for really pushing the envelope with the Transformers and Decepticons. But, there's a major problem with the CGI and that lies within the action sequences. It's hard to really tell what's actually going on in any given fight other than seeing a punch or two here or a missile being shot there. Otherwise, its just a jumbled mess of fighting where parts are flying everywhere due to who-knows-what and spontaneous explosions occurring. This is probably due to many of the metallic parts looking similar, so it might take a second for that head being split in half to actually register in your mind.

That's where the positives stop, however, considering the acting is dreadful. As beautiful as Megan Fox is and as much as I love her real-life personality, she doesn't cut it as an actress. Literally, she's only in movies to get the men wild, and that is another GIMMICK. Fox cannot act to save her life; she's completely unconvincing, shallow, boring, and looks like she's trying to show off her body as much as humanly possible. Shia LaBeouf, though, is a little bit better on the acting scale but that's not really saying much. He has hope and the ability to become a fantastic actor, however, but needs a little more time doing movies that challenge him rather than playing a simpleton who gets picked by aliens to do their bidding. Sam's mom, though, played by Julie White, is actually pretty hysterical and quite the slapstick artist. She's adorable as the attached mother who's afraid to see her little baby grow up and be just flat-out silly about it. The dad, though, is just a 2-dimensional character thrown into the movie for...well, nothing more than to give Sam a dad, I guess. Luckily, John Turturro returns as Seymour Simmons and is a fine, welcome face in the otherwise dreary pool of washed up actors.

Transformers also leaves a lot to be desired in many senses. I'm not a Tranny (Transformers fanatic), but I still don't understand the whole plot line for The Fallen and his relationship to the Decepticons and Transformers. Apparently, he just wants to destroy Earth. That's about it, and the Decepticons are just coming back to retrieve their precious Allspark shard and destroy the Transformers yet again. Oh, when will they learn? Probably not for another 493 sequels. I mean, it probably was described in some shallow, contrived, overly complex voice over spot, but its an issue that its hard to comprehend without researching it afterward. Also, its a tad bit strange to see these robots spew liquid...as in, they cry and spit. Why do they do that? Its completely unnecessary and inconsistent and serves no real purpose other than slight comedy.

Tadaa! Transformers in a nutshell:

-Novice story-telling
-Cheap thrills
-Shallow humor
-Boring acting
-Gimmicky
-Full of product placement
-Cliche
-Uninteresting human characters
-Completely irrelevant romantic subplot
-Been-There-Done-That storyline
-Frenetic and incomprehensible action sequences

Thank the Bay gods for the indisputably fun overall experience and some magical-looking robots. All in all, watching Transformers 2 will make you feel like a kid again, especially if you watched the show. Yep, it'll make you feel like that lazy, potato chip-eating, homework-skipping, test-ditching, gun-obsessed, anime-watching 12 year old all over again...ahh, the good old days.

2.5/10

-Kyle Shelton

Zombieland Preview: Amuzement and Zany Zombie Fun For All!

Well, if you know me personally, then you know that I am a sucker for anything having to do with zombies, pirates, ninjas, robots, dinosaurs, or any conglomerate combination of the such. Well, I look out for zombie movies in particular because they are a bit difficult to create well. Luckily, though, Woody Harrelson is here to save the day...I give you Zombieland:



Now, from this trailer, we can deduce one thing: Zombieland is meant almost entirely to be a comedy schlock-and-awe type of film. So if you're looking for some Romero recall, look elsewhere; this is all fun and games, even after an eye gets poked out. From several glances, Zombieland seems to tell the tale of a group of adolescents who find solace from the overrun world of zombies with a rebellious drifter-type badass named Tallahassee played by Harrelson. The cuts of all the different weapons being used, the "zombie kill of the week" clip, and the sarcastic, documentary-esque voiceover all point to one thing: fun.

And the camera work and visual style are a little different looking, but I can't put my finger on how, exactly. It looks a tad bit low-budget, which is fine especially considering its a zombie flick, and just seems like its unprofessional. You could probably ignore this entire paragraph, but I like it because it looks to be a shallow yet exciting and interesting feature. When an old lady drops a piano on a crazy, carniverous undead mutant, you know its going to be a good time. Bill Murray, Abigail Breslin, Emma Stone, and Jesse Eisenberg are also slated to star.

At any rate, keep your eyes peeled, if you're into zombies and gore films like I am anyway, for Zombieland, hitting theaters this October!

The Proposal Review: Say 'I Do' ...but not so Fast.

What's better than putting two hot celebrities, both physically and popularly, together on the big screen during Summer blockbuster season? Have them get married and let hilarity ensue. The victims of such a shameful movie pitch: Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds.

But do they at least keep the marriage wagon rolling? Or does their love boat plunge into the depths of the abyss?

Well, thank the acting gods for Reynolds' charm and Bullock's cuteness.

The Proposal is a film about as deep as the surface of an above ground pool relative to sea levels...its not deep at all. Then again, what do we, as the unsuspecting movie public, come to expect from a romantic comedy starring two of the biggest stars in Hollywood? Andrew Paxton (Reynolds) is a journalist and assistant to his editing manager Margaret Tate (Bullock), whom everyone in the office hates with a fiery passion. One day, however, Tate discovers that her visa application didn't go through as planned, and is being deported back to her homeland of Canada. In a last minute, desperate effort to stay in the country and keep her esteemed job, she blackmails Paxton into faux-marrying her, to which he has almost no choice but to say "yes." That same weekend, though, Paxton's grandmother is celebrating her 90th birthday, so Paxton and Tate both have to live with eachother for a weekend up in Paxton's native Alaska with his family and bare the good news to everyone.

Hilarious, right? Well, that's just about the entire storyline right there, leading up to the ending...you know, the whole "So do they get married or not? Does the family find out?" scenario. Luckily enough, "The Proposal" isn't a bad film. While its not the most thought-out or heavily developed movie, its still charming, charismatic, and entertaining and provides fun, gimmicky flare all around.

"The Proposal" certainly passes the test of awkward comedy with flying colors...if the slapstick and cutesy interaction between Bullock and Reynolds don't tickle your funny bone, then the situations they're constantly thrust into will. The connection between the two leading roles will certainly hold your interest because you just won't be able to look away. In fact, even though Bullock plays the office-boss bitch, you'll probably find yourself rooting for them to get together in the end. And why not? They're both funny in their own ways and mesh perfectly together. Specifically, Bullock's lovable yet scathing portrayal of the uptight, mean manager will win you over, especially by the end. If you don't already like Ryan Reynolds, then he might just win you over in "The Proposal," albeit not his best work.

It stands as a fun, light, comedic romance, but there's just a few useless ingredients mixed into this subtly sweet apple pie. For example, the role between Paxton and his father provides no insight into either character nor their relationship, and its never explained why they're the way they are. This interaction could have easily been much more entertaining, but it falls as derivative and distracting. Same goes for the Paxton family name, showing them as a wealthy family business which doesn't account for any integral part of the storyline.

At his core, Paxton is a pretty 2D character besides some slight nuances. Tate, however, evolves slowly throughout the film at a nice pace. What doesn't change at a nice pace, however, is the relationship between the two. While its fun to laugh at their high jinks on-screen together, its almost completely sudden when any shift in their relationship takes place. It would have been more engaging to actually feel when they started being angry or complacent with each other rather than just see it happen at one moment.

And, well, as a whole its a bit difficult to really critique "The Proposal" for more than what it is: just a romantic comedy. Ultimately forgettable, but temporarily lovable. Also, kudos for having Betty White play the grandmother.

6.5/10

-Kyle Shelton

The Taking of Pelham 123 Review: Moves Too Fast to Let You Off, Even when You Want it To.

For the last time, The Taking of Pelham 123 is not based on a true story.

It is, however, based on an older movie.
Which is based on a book.

So does this suspenseful rehash of a rehash keep you on the train? Or are there too many stops to the point of you saying "I need to get off" ?

Well, if you haven't heard of this star driving blockbuster starring Denzel Washington and John Travolta, Pelham tells the story of Garber (Washington), a subway train dispatcher who, one day, has to talk with a criminal codenamed Ryder (Travolta) as he demands $10,000,000 from the city of New York. He gives the city an hour to come up with the money, and if he doesn't receive it within that timeframe, he promises to kill one hostage for every minute over.

That's basically the extent of the premise for this film. At first glance, you'd think "Oh, okay, thrill ride action movie for the Summer," and at its core that's what Pelham is. However, there lies an interesting relationship between the two main characters, Garber and Ryder, and by the end, you realize that they're not just coincidentally put together in the situation. Beneath it all lies a moral and profound look on society as a whole.

Without spoiling anything, that's as far as I'll go. As for the movie in its entirety, Pelham surprised me by surpassing my expectations.

But not by much.

Pelham, despite what I mentioned earlier about its thought-provoking subtext, is still just a suspenseful cash-in blockbuster using big names to attract audiences. Travolta is a hit-or-miss character in Pelham. At times, I loved his anger and propensity to be over-the-top and ruthless. Other times, however, I felt like he was overdoing it and just having too much fun and leisure with the role. Washington does an outstanding job, though, as the lovable protagonist that you root for from square one.

From the beginning, the movie ropes you in and doesn't let go till the very end. Literally, the entire movie is one, big, suspenseful ride and it truly feels like a subway train gone out of control. There really is no lull at any point, and given the objective and target audience of the film, this is a very good thing. The direction was handled extremely well by Tony Scott and, as with most action films, its clearly evident that shooting this kind of movie takes a behemoth amount of talent, precision, and expertise, especially within the constrained confines of a subway tunnel and a subway cart itself. Editing, along with the spot-on direction, is also well done. Kudos to a technically proficient post-production!

So acting is great, direction is fantastic, and the editing is just swell. What could go wrong? Well, pretty much everything else, especially the writing. Dialogue and continuity is handled moderately well, and considering the story is taken from two previous sources, the overall package feels a bit shallow. Now, I do realize that action movies generally don't have the smartest scripts, but other than the fun interaction between Garber and Ryder, it really has nothing going for it. I was really hoping, and expecting, to get a little more attached to the individual hostages and maybe have a tad bit more backstory. Instead, what we get is the cuteness of a mother and her young son, a boy chatting via webcam to his girlfriend, a man who is racistly mistaken for something but is redeemed soon after, and another man who "has to take a piss" as mild comic relief. Otherwise, I didn't care for anyone being in real danger except for the fact that they're heralded as innocent hostages. This is a huge hole in the design of the film, considering, just like Ryder, their the only leverage it really has to your interest. This is even more disappointing because the intro to the film shows them all separately, almost profiled and center framed, as if they were all key characters too.

So, all in all, "The Taking of Pelham 123" is almost exactly what you're expecting it to be: fun Summer fare to throw your $8 at. Its certainly decent and I'd rate it above average just for how well it kept me zoned in at the screen. However, exciting directing and the powers of Travolta and Washington aren't enough to redeem it completely as an uninspired two-person-powered train ride to oblivion. In conclusion, I just wish there was more to like than what I saw visually, but hey, you might walk away rethinking a few little things from the main characters. Then again, you might not, then you'll be left shaken and throttled like a bad roller coaster.

6.5/10

-Kyle Shelton

Dead Snow Preview: Chilly Nazi Zombie Action. I dare you to say no.

There you go. The trailer for a good Nazi zombie gorefest that hits U.S. theaters this Friday is out. Its been out, actually, but those silly Europeans hogged the movie all for themselves for 6 months. Not okay, Norway. (ha.)

Anyway, that is the trailer for Dead Snow, a Norwegian horror movie about a group of friends who find out that the snowy wonderland they vacation to is actually a history-filled Nazi death site...and they want their Nazi gold.

Well, apparently it was a huge success and cult hit at Sundance last year. But, current reviews point otherwise, as it stands at an above average but relatively even 56% of the Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer. Personally, I'm a huge fan of zombie movies, zombie games, and zombie fiction in general (and zombie non-fiction too! You know, like Lazarus or Joan of Arc!). Also, I enjoy Nazi mythology...if you're Jewish, I apologize whole-heartedly but its true. Naziology (just made that up) is pretty fascinating and interesting. Hitler was a crazy fool, and I pity the fool...

Okay, enough with the corny jokes. Dead Snow looks to be one of those cheesy horror flicks that you'll probably laugh at more than jump from, but it still looks intense and in the vein of maybe a Sam Raimi production. Dead Snow seems like its great fun all around with a funny and ridiculous premise with the execution of a B-movie schlock-and-awe feature. I can't wait to see it so it can ease Mein Kampf in life right now...
Yes, that is the actual poster. Yes, this is a real movie.

...Exactly.

-Fuhrer Kyle

Bolt Review: The Super Super Bark

How do they do it? How do Pixar and Disney, year after year, come up with the kind of movie that's so near perfect, so emotionally gripping, so exciting, so funny, so lovable, and so all around spectacular?

Bolt is the overshadowed masterpiece that most may overlook and, to your surprise, actually isn't made by Pixar Animation Studios. Instead, Disney's animation department took the wheel and drove Bolt all by itself.

In 2008, Wall-E got all the recognition and praise, by far beating out Bolt for best animated picture of the year. To compare and contrast the two, however, is a crime against humanity, for Wall-E is a deep biopic of human emotion and society while Bolt is simply the most perfected family comedy ever concocted. In fact, I have so much praise for Bolt that I would rank it, in its 3-D goodness, amongst the ranks of The Lion King, Aladdin, Finding Nemo, Toy Story, and Wall-E.

Bolt tells the story of a dog named, of course, Bolt (John Travolta) who stars in the self-titled action series on television alongside a girl named Penny (Miley Cyrus). The trick, though, is that Bolt thinks all the action on the set is 100% real, therefore thinking that Penny is in actual turmoil at any given moment. He also believes that Calico (Malcom McDowell), a.k.a "The Green Eyed Man" is a real super villain hell-bent on using Penny's genius dad for his own personal gain. Basically, the cliche' villain in almost every sense of the word...but that's not where the story lies. The story lies within Bolts belief of the show being real and, one day, he escapes the studio after a cliffhanger on the show shows Penny being hoisted away by Calico's helicopter in a strange pod. Bolt dashes out of the moonroof of his trailer into the real world, and thus his adventure begins. Along his trip he meets Mittens (Susie Essman) and Rhino (Mark Waltman), which sounds like your typical naive protagonists meeting quirky characters on his adventure, but each of these two supporting roles actually have quite a bit of depth to them.

Bolt is a high concept jam-packed full of ideas from beginning to end. An excellently produced feature throughout, Bolt just so happens to entertain without letting up even for a second. Honestly, I can't even think of one moment in the movie where there was a lull, but perhaps that's because I've been deceptively duped by the beautiful rendering in the film. Really, the colors are so vibrant and exciting, and you'll swear during some scenes you're watching a real movie, even for just a second. The animals themselves, even the recurring pigeons, are so richly detailed and defined and you could pause the film at any moment and actually count the hairs or feathers on an animal's body. While Wall-E was commended for its excellent use of body language and lack of dialogue to evoke emotion and a story, Bolt does just as good of a job. Yes, Bolt contains much much much more dialogue than Wall-E, but animation and subtle nuances of each character are so fervently felt that its really mind-blowing to believe you're feeling emotion from a 3-D cartoon. You will feel an immediate attachment to each of these characters, and by the end of the film, you're not going to want to see them fade to credits.

I found myself heavily tearing up at numerous parts just from the cuteness of the movie as a whole, though. Disney, even though their movies tend to deal with supernatural or animalistic characters anyway, have perfected a doggish character to a tee. Every little sound, every tiny movement, and every choice of words fit so perfectly with Bolt that you'll actually start to like John Travolta for the role! (Just kidding, everyone loves John Travolta...)

But in all honesty, even Miley Cyrus does a good job portraying the human counterpart to Bolt. Yes, I said it. Miley Cyrus did a good job on something. Shoot me...I mean, sure this was just Disney trying to cash in on her preposterous musical success already, but I'll admit I didn't dislike her in any way. But, of course, you could probably cast anyone behind the characters in the film and you'd still fall in love with them due to the tremendous and tumultuous amounts of work and dedication put into the movie.

Complaints?

Its quite the task to nitpick real negatives of a movie so lovable as Bolt, but here's one that bugged me a little bit: some of the jokes. Now, of course Bolt is mainly targeted to younger audiences, who will, without a doubt, fall in love with this movie and laugh at every thing. For the older folks though, there's a few little script-writes that feel forced...maybe even gimmicky. As if someone said "Well, this isn't that funny...but kids talk like that so lets put it in." Particulary, this problem arose with Mittens' character, but hey, what're you gonna do? Its for kids anyway.

Other than that, I really can't express any more love for Bolt. It's near perfect in almost any regard. No, its not particularly deep and mind-probing like plenty of other animated features these days, but what it lacks in philosophical depth it more than makes up for in fun and modesty. Bolt is that film that never feels like its trying to be anything, but just like the creators made a film composed of several ideas and took you along for the ride. When it comes down to it, maybe not every film has to have a significant, long-lasting purpose, but they can just be enjoyable to the point of happy-crying. It has a lesson to be taught, although a little cliche'd, and that is to never give up, and to say you can when you think you can't. Bolt can, does, and bolts.

9.5/10

-Kyle Shelton