The quintessential blockbuster cash-in has finally arrive...Michael Bay directs part two of the Transfomers saga, Revenge of the Fallen. Naturally, you'll probably go see it and be wowed like a kid at a Disney fireworks show...but does Transformers really have the umpf to propel it into an actual "good" film?
No.
Simply put, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is just a stupid movie all-around. Now, stupid doesn't necessarily mean bad, but Transformers has transcended the threshold of inconsistency and incoherent story-telling into the realms of just plain insulting.
The second installment in the Transformers revamp deals with Sam (Shia LaBeouf) and his leaving from home into the college life. He leaves behind his car/Transformer Bumblebee and his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox). After inexplicably finding a shard of the "Allspark Cube" from the previous film, Shia is attacked by miniature Decepticons and realizes how important the piece is. Giving the remnant to Mikaela to keep safe, Sam goes off to college only to be followed by his beloved Transfomer companion Bumblebee, who informs him that there's trouble afoot. A mythical rogue robot known as "The Fallen" awaits patiently in space for the right moment to return to earth and engage a machine that will destroy the world by exploding the sun.
That's what the writers' strike of 2007-2008 will do to you, I suppose. And we're left with explosions out the yin-yang and Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots beating the bejesus out of each other for a good 2 hours. What's not to like, right?
First of all, if the story didn't seem lame and cliche enough, the actual dialogue that takes place is on the cheap and lazy side. Instilled humor within an action movie is nothing new, and we've come to expect that from a movie like Transformers, but when the comedy relies on raunchy jokes, stereotypes, or rehashed jokes from the first film for most of its humor, there's a problem. The writers had a serious falling out when they were writing this script...or perhaps they were just desperately trying to appeal to the mass media public that will pay any set price to watch things go boom and laugh at thrifty attempts at comedy. Sure, I laughed, only in good fun to keep in tune with the pacing of the film. But each time, I felt like I was dumbing myself down. A good portion of the jokes comes directly from two Transformers who act like stereotypical black thugs, gold teeth and all. Also, the level of cursing has risen significantly this time around...and its not even from the humans. No, its from the Transformers and Decepticons. Honestly, its just a bit sad to finally realize that everything that's meant to be funny in the film is only funny because they are performed by monstrous machines of destruction-dealing. That, folks, is a gimmick.
Speaking of gimmicks, there's almost as much product placement in the film as there are explosions. Now, with a Michael Bay film, you may think that's nearly impossible...but let's not forget the kind of budget Transformers was riding on and who its target audience is. Yes, teens, teens, and more teens. Enjoy the film, and also, go out and buy a new LG phone with digital television capability! Oh, and don't forget how fantastic Bad Boys 2 was because Michael Bay won't let you.
But yes, of course we have to give the nod to Mr. Bay for his fantastic and compulsory use of dynamite, fire, C4 charges, cannons, artillery, fireworks and matches...or whatever he uses for his special effects. Explosions galore are included in Transformers 2 and may even win the record of most explosions ever seen in a full-fledged feature film, at least by Bay. I wish I had mustered the nerve to actually count how many there actually were, but another nod goes to him for his cartoony immersion of the Transformers universe. Throughout the entire film, you will feel like you're watching a cartoon that's just updated. Although, some of Bay's direction techniques irked me, particularly his use of the Sun in several shots that seemed pointless and distracting. I'm not really sure how many times you would have to pan across a conversation with the Sun glaring at you to get this point across: the Sun exists. We get it, Michael Bay. Thank you.
As for the alien robots themselves, they look spectacular. They're all richly detailed as they were in the first film, but seem to have gotten quite the technical upgrade in the sequel. The animation is more fluid, especially the actual transforming, and they're incredibly well-rendered. Many kudos to the CGI team for really pushing the envelope with the Transformers and Decepticons. But, there's a major problem with the CGI and that lies within the action sequences. It's hard to really tell what's actually going on in any given fight other than seeing a punch or two here or a missile being shot there. Otherwise, its just a jumbled mess of fighting where parts are flying everywhere due to who-knows-what and spontaneous explosions occurring. This is probably due to many of the metallic parts looking similar, so it might take a second for that head being split in half to actually register in your mind.
That's where the positives stop, however, considering the acting is dreadful. As beautiful as Megan Fox is and as much as I love her real-life personality, she doesn't cut it as an actress. Literally, she's only in movies to get the men wild, and that is another GIMMICK. Fox cannot act to save her life; she's completely unconvincing, shallow, boring, and looks like she's trying to show off her body as much as humanly possible. Shia LaBeouf, though, is a little bit better on the acting scale but that's not really saying much. He has hope and the ability to become a fantastic actor, however, but needs a little more time doing movies that challenge him rather than playing a simpleton who gets picked by aliens to do their bidding. Sam's mom, though, played by Julie White, is actually pretty hysterical and quite the slapstick artist. She's adorable as the attached mother who's afraid to see her little baby grow up and be just flat-out silly about it. The dad, though, is just a 2-dimensional character thrown into the movie for...well, nothing more than to give Sam a dad, I guess. Luckily, John Turturro returns as Seymour Simmons and is a fine, welcome face in the otherwise dreary pool of washed up actors.
Transformers also leaves a lot to be desired in many senses. I'm not a Tranny (Transformers fanatic), but I still don't understand the whole plot line for The Fallen and his relationship to the Decepticons and Transformers. Apparently, he just wants to destroy Earth. That's about it, and the Decepticons are just coming back to retrieve their precious Allspark shard and destroy the Transformers yet again. Oh, when will they learn? Probably not for another 493 sequels. I mean, it probably was described in some shallow, contrived, overly complex voice over spot, but its an issue that its hard to comprehend without researching it afterward. Also, its a tad bit strange to see these robots spew liquid...as in, they cry and spit. Why do they do that? Its completely unnecessary and inconsistent and serves no real purpose other than slight comedy.
Tadaa! Transformers in a nutshell:
-Novice story-telling
-Cheap thrills
-Shallow humor
-Boring acting
-Gimmicky
-Full of product placement
-Cliche
-Uninteresting human characters
-Completely irrelevant romantic subplot
-Been-There-Done-That storyline
-Frenetic and incomprehensible action sequences
Thank the Bay gods for the indisputably fun overall experience and some magical-looking robots. All in all, watching Transformers 2 will make you feel like a kid again, especially if you watched the show. Yep, it'll make you feel like that lazy, potato chip-eating, homework-skipping, test-ditching, gun-obsessed, anime-watching 12 year old all over again...ahh, the good old days.
2.5/10
-Kyle Shelton
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