Toy Story 3 Review: Never Leave this Toy Behind.

Rarely do films get the recognition of being “perfect” in anyway whatsoever. Even more rare does a series of films gain the same accolade. Pixar, however, is the one studio that I would expect to see a perfect film and/or film series emerge. Toy Story is one of those films that you just might have grown up with, whether you were a child, a teenager, or even a parent who watched it with your family. No matter the age when you first saw Toy Story, chances are you instantly fell in love with the concept and all the characters; doesn’t hurt that it was the first computer generated feature film ever.

Up from the first Toy Story came Toy Story 2, equally beloved on almost every possible standpoint. Now, to be honest, I have only seen Toy Story 2 once and that was when it first came out… when I first watched it, I didn’t particularly enjoy it all too much. This may not be fair, though, because I probably didn’t know how to appreciate things as much when I was 10 years old. Still enjoyed it, but not nearly as much as the first.

Fast-forward ELEVEN years (yes, it’s been that long), and the final addition to the Toy Story saga is released to the masses on June 18, 2010.

Ever so rarely, ever so once-in-a-blue-moon does a film come around that garners that “perfect” emblem… and Toy Story 3 is that once-in-a-blue-moon movie.

To nitpick at Toy Story 3 is just like picking off pepperoni from your pizza, even though you love pepperoni pizza. Maybe there was just too much of it at any given point… and that might be the only real drawback of Toy Story 3.

The story deals with a lot of different themes, most notably the leaving of childhood toy connoiseur, Andy, to college. After turning 17, he leaves no room in his life for his toys, and thus has to choose between storing them in his attic, donating them to a day care center, or just throwing them away. Events lead to all of your favorite Toys from the other 2 films being sent to Sunnyside Day Care where they can be played with by infinite generations of children for eternity. However, a certain evil lurks behind Sunnyside as a tyrannical bear named “Lotso” (Ned Beatty) who tricks the Toys into living a miserable life tormented by ultra hyper, messy toddlers. Woody (Tom Hanks) ends up being the only Toy that Andy decided to bring along to college, but when he realizes what is happening to his fellow plastic companions, he risks everything to help them.

So I’m just going to get any negative things I have to say out of the way first (here comes the nitpicking). A lot of sequences in Toy Story 3 are cliché, simple. Too often you’ll be predicting exactly what will happen next and what will happen in the long-run. Plenty of scenes are also “been-there, done-that” scenes like typical cliffhangers and multiple twists occurring within a 5-minute timeframe. It also definitely feels a tad bit formulaic at times, which is mostly due to the predictability of it all.

Now I’m done being a jerk and beating up the kid everyone loves. Toy Story 3, while “formulaic,” is classically told and immensely engaging. From pulse-pounding start to heartwarming finish, you’re not going to want to leave your seat for even a second. All the characters you know and love are back, namely Woody, Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen), Rex (Wallace Shawn), Hamm (John Ratzenberger), Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head (Don Rickles and Estelle Harris), Slinky (Blake Clark) Jessie (Joan Cusack) and Bullseye… and, of course, the Pizza Planet martians.

It takes considerable skill to deftly blend elements of romance, horror, drama, action, comedy and elements of satire and perfect-pitch tongue-in-cheek parody, but Toy Story 3 managers all of this with near-perfection. It really is astounding in and of itself that Pixar can keep churning out ridiculously successful films, both critically and commercially, without missing a beat. Of course, all this mastery draws from one key sources, and that’s simply the lovability of all the characters. Each one has its own distinct personality and enough nuances to distinguish themselves apart so clearly. It’s hard to just pick one to be your favorite (although with a gun to my head I’d certainly say Rex), and that whole feeling just emanates love for the rest of the film.

Of course, Toy Story 3 introduces a slew of new characters, including a fantastic villainous bear and a metrosexual Barbie (Jodi Benson) matchup named… well, who other than Ken (Michael Keaton)?

Once you get passed how much you love any given character at any point in time, you realize that the story is perfectly paced and really pulls the punches when it comes to emotions. You’ll cry, you’ll gasp, you’ll laugh and you’ll cheer and you’ll have way too much fun doing it. Then again, this is Pixar… this studio just knows people. It knows how to make people exert all these actions at just the right time. Whatever stars aligned to bring together the development team behind Toy Story need to align more often (and fast, considering they’re apparently making a Cars sequel… not that there’s anything wrong with Cars, but it wasn’t my favorite Pixar feature and it boggles my mind that they’re making a sequel to what is probably the least successful Pixar film yet).

I digress. The action sequences in Toy Story 3 are intense, and there’s one point toward the end of the film that almost every single possible emotion to emote will be emoted emotionally. I can’t tell you what it is, of course, but it’s truly a moment of enlightenment. The last 10 minutes or so are really what get to you… for all of us college kids out there, the overall theme rings true and close to the heart, beset only by the fact that we grew up with this fantastic series and we must now see it end. ‘Tis a bittersweet ending, though, considering how extraordinarily beautiful the film is, both to the eyes and to the mind.

Whether you’re 1 year old or aging in a retirement home, whether you loved the first 2 films as a child or never really even got into the series, whether a fan of animated films or more edgy ones… Toy Story 3 has something for everyone. Being able to juggle all its themes, genres, and target demographics into one bombastically brilliant film, Toy Story 3 would be a contender for Best Motion Picture at the Academy Awards, and is thus far my favorite film of 2010. Disney-Pixar is just one grand ol’ studio.

10/10.

-Kyle Shelton

Lady Gaga’s Alejandro Video; AKA Dirty Army Nun.

Alejandro, as a song, wasn’t and isn’t my favorite of her repertoire. In fact, I still love Bad Romance and its… “multifaceted” video the most. Alejandro doesn’t feel like it has a true grasp on what kind of song it wants to be, and this is ever evident in the wishy washy new video.

Let me put out my exact thought: it’s not terrible (a la Telephone video), but it’s just starting to seem like Gaga just wants to push the envelope more and more, both with censors and with people’s liberal agendas. You can watch the video for yourself here and let me know what you think.

…Did you see it? Because I really hope you’re not a devout Christian. In the latest near-9-minute spectacle, Gaga can be seen being raped by several men with bowl haircuts in heels, dancing with 2 M16 machine guns strapped to her brazier, and deep-throating a rosary. Of course, this is all aside from her practically having rodeo sex with a chained up man, and there are a few Nazi references thrown around (most notably, the costumes of some soldiers).

Now I get some of the message about conformity, religion and government (and a possible response to the whole Westboro Baptist Church incident), but where do any of the lyrics play into this? Plenty of artists constantly put out music videos that are either completely unrelated to the accompanying song or are so veiled in “depth” that no one sees it. Alejandro is just another example of this; I thought the song was about Gaga having a lover (or possibly more) who she just wanted to hook up with and nothing more. Then we get homosexual Nazis in fishnet stockings.

But I digress; I’m all for some envelope-pushing censor slapping nonsense. In the context of the song and the video itself, though… it just feels weird. Of course, Gaga is no stranger to the odd, queer or downright mind-boggling, but where some of her videos feel more polished and refined, this one feels like a haphazardly slaphappy cornucopia of spontaneity. It progresses as though each scene was meant to be a “look how crazy this is” scene, topping each of the scenes before it. This might sound like it would be a pretty good pace, but it’s not. And if you’re a fan of Madonna’s at all, you might be offended at how Madonna-esque the video is, with the sexuality, hair, strange alteration to women’s underwear and black and white filters all referencing some of her 80’s work.

So really, Gaga’s most lasting legacy thus far is her disregard for normalcy and her obsession with the socially arcane (or, let’s say, batshit bonkers), which is fine and dandy but I’m afraid by her next single or album, she might just be pushing it too far. Again, like I said, I’m all for crazy and ridiculous, and the more over-the-top something is, the more I love it… however, it literally just feels like she might be trying too hard to be different. We get it Stefanie, you’re a deviant and you play by your own rules. That’s fine… but would it kill you to make a video that made sense for once? AND ONE THAT ISN’T A SHORT FILM DRESSED IN DRAG? I wouldn’t be too surprised if she put on that bird’s nest concoction she wore to the VMA’s and flipped pancakes with an anteater for 14 minutes and called it “Polka Dot Dragon.”

Glee Turning to Gay-lee Very Very Fast.

[SPOILER ALERT: The following paragraph(s) contain spoilers on the storyline of the series up to Season 1, Episode Episode 18, “Laryngitis” of Glee.]

Glee is probably now the most successful new show of the last television season for multiple reasons. First, it’s immensely different than most shows. Second, it’s a genre-blending mix of emotions. Third, everyone loves a good cover track.

Whether you like the show or not, I don’t think you can safely deny the fact that it is certainly starting to become way too preachy. The last episode, “Laryngitis,” was all about being true to you and who you are and all that fun stuff we’ve been told by Nick Jr. for the last 20 years. In addition, this whole “Kurt being a victim” thing has to end, immediately. It’s great that the media as a whole is accepting homosexuality and other used-to-be taboo topics, but Glee is starting to push how much anyone really cares about it. Gay or not, Kurt is a great character with a great voice, and Chris Colfer (the actor who plays him) is excellent; the story about his dad accepting him as being gay is just too much. From the get-go, his dad was very accepting and even moreso than most real-life parents are. So why does Kurt keep playing the victim? If anything, Kurt is a villain. He takes his “straight crush” on Finn to the next level by creepily matchmaking his own father with Finn’s mother (both of which are single due to a dead spouse) so he and Finn can be closer to eachother. Inevitably, this blows up in his face, making him extremely jealous of this new found bond between his father and Finn.

This last episode wasn’t “bad,” per-say, but it definitely isn’t the best choice to show someone who’s never seen the show before. The side-story that quickly started and ended in the most hastily paced side-story of all time about Puck’s using of Mercedes to reclaim his popularity served as merely an excuse for the two to have a duet, fill some Fox time, and place Mercedes back in her lowly Glee Club spot. Cheap. Oh and let’s not forget the quadriplegic who reminds Rachel that there’s more to life than just her singing. Again, this was a side-story that started and ended almost too fast, and you can probably bet you’ll never be seeing the bed-ridden football player again… or at least not any time soon.

So, here’s to tonight’s episode bringing back the Glee in my heart for the series. What do you think about the last “Glee?”

New Pokemon Starters Not So “Black & White”

Nintendo and the Official Pokemon Black & White website have recently announced the 3 new starter Pokemon that will begin the next generation. Just like in every good handheld Pokemon game ever made, you're given the option of 1 of 3 special, exotic Pokemon to start your epic adventure around color-coded towns in a faux Japanese continent.

Have you seen them yet? Here they are:

Now, who’s ready for some speculation? Smiling Emoticon.

Here’s what you can pretty much tell (especially from the thousands of fan sites who already foretold every possibly detail of the new games). The one on the far left is the Grass-type, the middle one is the Fire-type, and the right one is the Water-type. Their Japanese names have been released, as well: (from left to right) Tsutaja,the “grass snake Pokemon,” Pokabu the “fire pig Pokemon,” and Mijumaru, the “sea otter Pokemon.”

Let me start off by saying that Mijumaru looks like an apathetic, lonely terribly diseased fetus. While the evolved forms for each of these haven’t been released yet, I sure hope the water otter gets a little hotter. Personally, I think Tsutaja looks the coolest so far, and is bound to have interesting evolutions; it’s also the more sly-looking one out of the bunch, sacrificing its cuteness for to-come badassness. Then Pokabu is… well, it’s cute I guess. I’m sure its final evolution will be some Mamoswine-sized behemoth with tusks and a volcano spewing out of its nose or something. As of right now, I’m not terribly impressed with the new designs, save for Zorua and Zoroark from a while back who look pretty cool (despite Dark-types being the black sheep of the Pokemon types).

I believed Generation III to be the weakest entry in the Pokemon foray so far, mostly due to poor new design (and a terrible plot). Generation IV, more or less, made up for it, but nostalgia aside, I yearn for the days of Red and Blue or even Gold and Silver. They were simpler times yet infinitely more enjoyable times, and though it may be obvious that Generation V is only going to add and complicate things further, hopefully it begins to get rid of some of the more ridiculous aspects (like Pokemon moods/natures) in favor for some supremely awesome features (like interspecies FUSION… or something).

So let me know what your thoughts are: are the new starters cool? Are they lame? Is one more dopey looking than the others (cough Mijumaru cough)?

New Call of Duty “Reveal” Trailer

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You love Call of Duty. Don’t lie. You simply can’t deny you supreme infatuation with headshots, paybacks, and noob-tubing anyone and everyone and getting awarded for it. You also probably love gloating about how much better you are at it than everyone and their mothers.

Well, if you were starting to maybe-kinda-sorta get tired of Modern Warfare 2 (blasphemy), Treyarch has already started development on the new Call of Duty game set in the Vietnam war era. Entitled “Call of Duty: Black Ops,” it’s striving to be different from the past set pieces, considering this is the first in the series to have that specific setting. A teaser trailer has already been released and hints at some sort of possible “rescue” mission-esque story, but it looks just as intense (if not moreso) than Modern Warfare 2 did. Luckily, a new, more detailed trailer will be shown on May 18th during the NBA Eastern Conference Finals exclusively on ESPN.

While Call of Duty’s releases are usually momentous, games like Call of Duty 3 and Call of Duty: World at War were less than a spectacle upon release. The first 2 and their expansions, and of course the Modern Warfare duo were HUMONGOUS deals, especially by comparison… and so, I’m going to call it out and say that Black Ops is not going to be anything spectacular, critically nor commercially.

What do you think?
Comment!

Renewed and Boo’d: Fall 2010’s New Season of TV.

Love Lost? Too bad, it’s going to end on May 25 for good (for now). Love Modern Family, Chuck, Glee, Family Guy or How I Met your Mother? You’re in luck! From TVGuide.com, here’s a list of the shows officially being renewed for the Fall 2010 – Spring 2011 season:

30 Rock (NBC)
90210 (CW)
The Amazing Race (CBS)
American Dad (Fox)
America's Next Top Model (CW)
The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
Bones (Fox)
Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
Castle (ABC)
Chuck (NBC)
The Cleveland Show (Fox)
Community (NBC)
Cougar Town (ABC)
Desperate Housewives (ABC)
Family Guy (Fox)
Friday Night Lights (NBC)
Fringe (Fox)
Glee (Fox)
Gossip Girl (CW)
The Good Wife (CBS)
Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
Law & Order: SVU (NBC)
The Middle (ABC)
Modern Family (ABC)
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS)
The Office (NBC)
Parks and Recreation (NBC)
Private Practice (ABC)
The Simpsons (Fox)
Smallville (CW)
Supernatural (CW)
Survivor (CBS)
Two and a Half Men (CBS)
V (ABC)
The Vampire Diaries (CW)

How Super will Super 8 Be?

J.J. Abrams, you’ve done it again. In case you’re not entirely aware of who J.J. Abrams is, he’s one of the executive heads behind TV’s power-player Lost and the director of Cloverfield (amongst other works, of course). Just like Cloverfield had a mysterious viral marketing campaign back in 2007, the newly endowed “Super 8” seems to be following in its big brother’s footsteps.







The newly released teaser trailer shows… this:



Let’s recap:
Something about an Area 51 alien or mutated creature seems to be lurking on a train. The train, according to the captions, was supposed to transport extremely vital material to Ohio from Area 51. Obviously, something bad happened as someone yelled out, and the two vehicles collided. Weird, Cloverfield Jr. baby monster then allegedly escapes from its confines, and it was recorded on none other than an old, “Super 8mm” camera. For the uninitiated, we’ll call that an old person camcorder. For the heavily initiated, this may be wrecking your mind, as a catastrophic even such as this being told through the lens of a super 8mm camera can only be described as “ridiculous.”

And, of course, who could miss that great name drop right in the middle of the trailer? Mr. Steven Spielberg is producing the film alongside Abrams’ direction, which tells you that this is going to be one monster of a movie! There’s your pun for the day.

Anyway, speculation from various sources says that this is supposed to be a heavily special effects-laden affair with a 70’s and 80’s feel of filmmaking to it, much like Spielberg achieved in his golden age with films like Indiana Jones. However, special effects doesn’t necessarily mean “computer-generated” special effects…thus, what I’m hoping for is a film that harkens back to a Jurassic age of animatronics, puppetry, and real-life machinations rather than relying on CGI and green screen.

No release date has been set as of yet, but the budget is purportedly in the $50 million range. This is 4th grade lunch money compared to most computer-made films of today, so this will certainly be interesting. Abrams has already gone on record stating that this film “…has nothing whatsoever to do with Cloverfield…” according to an NYMag article.

As an additional little tidbit of Abrams apparent obsession with encryption, he apparently sent out the reel for the trailer in special canisters that required a special code to crack open. I wouldn’t be surprised if his mansion was just one gigantic Rubik’s Cube.

Should Greyson get a Chance?

If you haven’t heard of 12-year-old Greyson Chance yet, you probably don’t get on Facebook or watch Ellen very often. The 6th grader is a piano-playing singer from Oklahoma who rose to interweb fame with his rendition of “Paparazzi” by Lady Gaga at a talent show-esque event. He was recorded, uploaded to the celebrity-spewing machine YouTube, and now he’s gone viral with over 2,000,000 views.
In case you have a life, this is the now famed video:



[Note the incredibly lackluster faces on the girls behind him. These same girls are probably kicking themselves in the face for looking so trollish on a now internationally-spread video. Ha!]

If you are like me and like to lurk on the computer all the time, then forego that video and tell me what you think about Greyson Chance. Why? Well, if you Google his name into… well, Google, you’ll see a cornucopia of websites chanting that Mr. Chance is the new Justin Bieber.

For the record, I’m not sure how famous or how long someone has to be famous in order for them to have a “new” version of themselves. A “new” Michael Jackson or a “new” Madonna would make sense, but Justin Bieber has been renown now for barely a year, and to this day plenty of critics foresee him as a passing fad (cough, Ke$ha, cough). Regardless, I beg to differ that Chance is the “new” Bieber, not because I believe Bieber to be uber talented in any regard, but because I actually don’t think Chance will make it as the new rising young musician. He’s alright, I guess… he’s certainly not terrible. However, people complain about Bieber and the likes of Miley Cyrus as not knowing what “love” is and them not retaining the proper experience or social permission of peoples over the age of 16 to make gazillions of dollars. Why should this kid be any different? If anything, he deserves less of a reason to make it big considering he’s skyrocketed to fame by rendering a cover of someone else’s song.

Luckily, though, he has written, both lyrically and musically, two other songs entitled “Broken Hearts” and “Stars.” This is great, knowing that he doesn’t just have a cover of another song to back up his blossoming career; however, give a listen to the other songs and see whether or not he truly has a commercial future with his music. Personally, I don’t think he’s that great… obviously I’m taking into account that in these videos, it’s just him and his piano with a video camera watching, so he doesn’t have Grade-A producers or (God forbid) an autotuner to make him sound spectacular; and of course the fact that he’s only 12 doesn’t help his cause much. He definitely has potential, but for some reason, people around the world are already calling him a child prodigy and that. just. isn’t. true.

But, again, tell me what you think. Is he really that great? Comment wars, hooo!

Shia LaBeouf Defends 3rd Transformers Installment, Abashes 2nd.

I’ve never been a fan of Shia LaBeouf. I can’t help but feel that he’s overestimated in almost every film he’s appeared in. To this day, even, I think his best film was Holes (which isn’t saying much because I don’t even like Holes that much).
If you know me at all, then you know that I absolutely abolished Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Michael Bay hasn’t exactly been the most prolific director in recent memory or anything, but this was just… awful. You can see what I mean in my review of it by clicking here.

However, it’s nice to see Mr. LaBeouf actually saying something worthwhile. He recently told Associated Press these statements concerning the dreadful 2nd installment:

“When I saw the second movie, I wasn't impressed with what we did, there were some really wild stunts in it, but the heart was gone.  

       
…we got lost. We tried to get bigger. It's what happens to sequels. It's like, how do you top the first one? You've got to go bigger. [Michael Bay] went so big that it became too big, and I think you lost the anchor of the movie. ... You lost a bit of the relationships. Unless you have those relationships, then the movie doesn't matter. Then it's just a bunch of robots fighting each other.”

He went on to say that this next movie is either going to be the “craziest action movie ever made” or he and the rest of the Transformers team have failed.

All personal gripes aside, to try and make the “craziest” action film of all time is a pretty wild aspiration, even if you’re working with some tech-junkie like Michael Bay. The word “craziest” is a bit ambiguous, because that could simply entail more explosions in 90 minutes than had ever been accomplished or quite possibly the best, most well-rounded action movie ever. Then again, it seems a bit stupid for LaBeouf to say that he wants to make the next film the “craziest” considering he just bashed the last one for, essentially, being too crazy.
We’ll see what happens with the next, apparently “bloodier” Transformers movie. Kill me in the face for saying this, but I’m probably still going to watch it…

Fun Craigslist Posting: Hip Swinging after having Sex = Problem? (NSFW)

The text reads:

"Why do I swing my hips from side to side when I walk after getting fucked? I don't want to, but I can't help it, I can't control it, the muscles just feel loose, like it’s hanging, and pretty much moving by itself. Guys tell me I have a sexy hip swing in my walk. I don't like when some guys stare at my hips and my ass, it's just annoying. Recently I was fucked by this guy who had an incredibly big and thick cock, and I noticed my hips sway even more. Is it true that if you let bigger cocks fuck you, your hips will swing even more when you walk? Why does this happen? is there any way to walk straight after getting fucked? or do I just to have to get used to walking like a slutty girl? The sad thing is that guys tend to think you're a slut and that you've been fucked by a lot of guys because of the way you walk. They wanna fuck you because they think you're easy, when in reality you're been fucked by only one guy that just happens to be well endowed. Any advice? Thanks. "

Now, I’m not sure how many people typically have this problem, but if you do, seek a Cocktor or Physical Therafist immediately.