Hey. I have a problem with you. You seem to be obnoxiously popping your head in every place you can without any regard for the movies you taint so terribly. Just because Avatar ended up being a great 3D experience doesn't mean every film will be a great 3D experience. Just because things pop out at you and it feels like you can grab them doesn't mean it will enhance the film in any way. Just because movie studios think a bunch of people paying $5-10 extra to look like mental clinic patients all in the same room with gigantic, impractical eye-glasses is hilarious doesn't mean we think it's hilarious.
...yet I will still continue to fall for the cheap gimmick every time.
However, this doesn't mean I won't rant in rage against any 3D film that abuses that extra dimension advantage over other films every chance I get. I'm talking about the new Resident Evil: Afterlife film, also known as The Matrix 4: Zombie Slaying Women in Tight Clothing directed by Zack Snyder.
TM4:ZSWiTC was a bit of a letdown, 3D. Sure, the film itself was pretty bad, but your slow motion and blatantly amateur level of 3D layering was extremely offensive to me. At any point in the film, I could've taken off the dual picture frames hugging my face and visibly noticed exactly where the post-production team cut off 3D effects and started them. Tsk tsk, shame on you.
TM4:ZSWiTC isn't the first film to abuse you, though, but it's only in a long-running list that's starting to undermine what you COULD be. Avatar did you right; hell, even Toy Story 3 used you to great advantage. Even Piranha 3D was praised by critics, specifically for the your inclusion. Perhaps you should start attributing yourself to more meaningful and highly-regarded media... once Pride and Prejudice is remade for a 3D revival, you might get the attention you deserve. Run with it, 3D. Just run with it...
Unfortunately, you're stuck with films like TM4:ZSWiTC. Let me expound on what made this film so bad and perhaps you'll know what not to do from now on.
TM4:ZSWiTC is a cheap, clingy whore. You pay your money to get your thrills, and once you're done, you feel like you need to see a doctor as fast as possible. Also, she's a bit predictable. I'll say I pretty much called 90% of all important... er, "important" plot developments in the film. Too much in TM4:ZSWiTC was just completely unnecessary, like the adorable little Asian intern who literally does NOTHING. No. Thing. His inclusion in the movie is unbeknownst to me to this point in my life. I don't care that I'm spoiling this for you, but he's killed off about halfway through just to let everyone else in the room know that there miiiiiiiiiiiiiight be danger afoot. The plot mirrors the plot of Extinction in terms of characters, considering Alice is by herself being awesome, then encounters a group of survivors whom don't all survive, then she leads them to safety and freedom only to be put in danger once again and leave a ridiculous cliffhanger at the end. Also, if TM4:ZSWiTC was played at a normal rate, the movie would probably be an hour long. So many slow motion sequences end up proving that "too much of a good thing" is a terrible thing. The Matrix did it right; TM4:ZSWiTC is abusive.
So when it comes down to it, Resident Evil: Aft- I mean TM4:ZSWiTC - ends up being typical. Nothing new or inventive, nothing memorable, nothing truly spectacular. This will most likely be known as the Saw IV of the Resident Evil series (and don't tell me you remember anything from Saw IV, because you don't).
Sincerely with a 4/10,
Kyle Shelton
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